Cheerios Yuck Yuck Yuck

When I was younger, I decided to make myself a bowl of Cheerios. Now, these were not Honey Nut Cheerios, the delicious cereal that has the wonderfully sweet mixture of HONEY and NUT to create a world of joy. No. These were regular Cheerios that your grandmother always has stashed in her pantry for when you come to visit and she doesn’t want to waste the good tasting stuff on you so she gives you Cheerios.

Back to the bowl of Cheerios I was making for myself, I knew that in order for me to enjoy my breakfast, I would need to put on a few spoonfuls of sugar. I looked around for it, saw a container on my kitchen table, and just used that to pour over my cereal. After a few moments, when I decided that there was certainly a lot of white grains floating in my milk, I tasted it. Magically, my terrible Cheerios transformed into something far worse when I realized that I had put salt in my cereal instead of sugar.

Ew ew ew. Yuck.

To remedy the situation, I decided to use logic. Being a four year old, I was well versed in the knowledge that good and evil balance each other out, (I had just seen Star Wars) so I found the black pepper and poured that on my cereal. After all, why don’t salt and pepper cancel each other out? I’d watched adults for years pour both on at dinner, taste their food, and pour a little more of one on their food to balance it. It’s so obvious that the two opposites should be equal in parts so that my cereal was back to normal.

It's mathematical, therefore perfect.

Except, when I threw the pepper on my cereal, what I tasted was not the bad taste of Cheerios, but the putrid taste of disappointment, stupidity, and oh yeah, TOO MUCH SALT AND PEPPER!

I was a little genius.

I could be angry with myself for this, or the adults around me, or Star Wars, but the true criminals are the creators of cereals, especially Cheerios.

Damn you, Cheerios, for needing sugar because you have no good flavor, damn you.