Word on the Street, Dog

As a user of the English language, I find myself completely enthralled with words like: enthralled, magnificent, beauteous, Thursday. These are great words, either because of their definitions or because of the sounds they make. Oh and bubble. Bubble’s a great word.

 

Is it a bubble or a cleverly disguised Death Star?

 

 

Unfortunately, there are tons of words and phrases that I just don’t care for.

Priceless. This word took me forever to understand. It reportedly means, “worth so much that there’s no point to putting a price on it because you’d never be able to afford paying for it you broke it in our museum, please leave.”

Reason: It could easily have the opposite meaning. Garbage has as much of a price as art. Less of a price. In fact, it has no price at all.

Is it garbage or art? It's priceless!

Unnerved. I think it means to make upset in a nervous way. Like, “Wow, when I realized this garbage was priceless, it unnerved me.”

Reason: THAT MAKES LITTLE SENSE. Un=opposite. Nerve=related to nervous. So unnerve should mean, “to stop being nervous,” like “When I realized what priceless should mean, it unnerved me so I stopped being  so worried about life, so I quit my job, left my family, and moved to Hollywood to pursue a career in the movies. This didn’t unnerve anyone.”

Juxtaposition. Ok, so I know this is one of those words that really has no synonym, because it means putting two things together to make a comparison. Like oxymorons, they’re all about juxtaposition. It has so much potential to be a great word, with a great meaning, and are there any other words that use J, P, and all those other letters? Answer: Juxtapositions.

Reason: THERE’S NO WAY YOU CAN USE THIS WORD WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN ARROGANT HIPSTER DESCIBING POETRY. SORRY. FEW EXCEPTIONS. “The juxtaposition of the greenhouses with the red anger just made the whole thing look so superficial compared to the poetry of the modern subservient bourgeoisie.” Did that sentence make sense? Nope! If it did, you probably say you discovered The Beatles. Because you’re cool.

Juxtaposition makes you look like this.

Fifth. If you don’t know what this one means… wow. It’s 5. Like, “This is the first time I’ve had to explain the meaning of ‘fifth.’” Oh, that doesn’t use it in a great way. You get the picture. (Perhaps it’s the fifth picture you’ve gotten and you’re going to set up a gallery? Better!)

Reason: Say fifth. Say it again. Add a word after it, like amendment. Fifth Amendment. Fifth grade. Fifth cycle. IT’S WEIRD WORD. It shouldn’t be that hard to pronounce, and yet I say it with a quasi-lisp. Somehow. Fifth.  Curse you!

It’s not only words that I have issues with, some phrases make their way on to the list.

Well, actually. Anytime anyone uses “well, actually” they’re usually clarifying a previous statement with the statement that will follow. Such as: “I enjoy riding my bike. Well, actually, I love riding my bike.”

Reason: It makes people sound like know-it-alls, and not in a good way. “I enjoy riding my bike. Well, actually, I invented the bike after my first semester at university, due to the fact that I am an arrogant hipster. The juxtaposition of my arrogance against the innocence of a baby child is so astounding, except baby children are so last fortnight. Ah ah ah, fortnight.”

"Well, actually, you'd see my hair if you were in the 'know.'"

Any variation of “true that.” This might be a phenomenon of people my age in my geographic vicinity (true), but usually it’s a substitute for words like “ok, sure, mhmm.”

Reason: IT SOUNDS WEIRD. After I say “I’m ok, a little stressed.” And you said “true,” I GET CONFUSED. Would it not be a “true” fact? Was there something erroneous before that you forgot to point out so now you’re stating the veracity of everything I saying?

And to be clear, I’m not some word hater. I remembered a great word, “gregarious.” What a fun word.

And this can't be a complete list. And I sometimes use these words. And I love starting sentences with and. And ending them with and. Twice.